Fresh Air Doesn't Guarantee Breathing - Moleskine Art

One of my gifts for my fourth birthday was a Wade wall plaque of a cat's face. My mother thought I'd like it as I was animal crazy. She hung it over my bed lovingly. Now this was the meanest looking cat I'd ever seen.

 To my childish eyes it looked as if it had been skinned, it's rictus grin never faltering. If I saw that cat's head now I'd probably find it quite sweet and charming, but in my head it has taken on mythical powers of evil. I'd fantasize that it was spying on me, that it was colluding with my mother to thwart my every independent move, that says more about my relationship with my mother than anything else. My brother and sisters still remember that head with a shudder so it wasn't all in my mind.I have found the offending article online, so you can see for yourself.

moleskine new pages

I am so lucky I had a somewhat shitty childhood! What on earth would I have to thrash out in my artwork if not for my family's epic dysfunction. I have dealt with my feelings of helplessness and lack of control before. And I continue to relive my fantasies of revenge and wonder how I managed to avoid growing into a psycho killer!

I was looking at a book recently with photographs of east European prostitutes well past their prime. I couldn't stop thinking about the dreams and ambitions they must have had as young people and how life often shits on you so badly but you still carry on, and try and convince yourself that you were better off than some.

Browsing through the files of Ancestry.com (using their amazing 2 week free trial subscription), I started thinking about all the people with whom I had a blood connection, but whom I would never know. I was surprised at how much details can be gleaned, such as their jobs and how they died. It is eerie knowing that their blood runs through my veins. After ploughing through generations of grinding poverty, I found a line of aristocrats and slave owners. a great way to spend an rainy afternoon.