This is rather apt for today! My demons seem to be extra active recently. I hate days like these where I am crippled with self doubt and loathing. The negative voice is whispering extra loud, and I am too weak to ignore it. What do other people do in times like these? When the air feels too heavy for me to hold up my head and everything I touch turns to shit. Do I really want to share my failings with all and sundry, sundry maybe but all?
Maybe this will seem too simple, but usually when I am in such a state it's because I haven't been taking care of myself. I'm not getting enough sleep, I've eaten too little or too much, I haven't showered, or I've been contemplating what others think too much. Or, under under the surface there is something I am in denial about (feelings of fear, anger, sadness). When I'm having one of those days, I try to catch myself before I go off the deep end with self hate and remind myself that I just need to get some sleep or whatever it is I'm needing. Or express whatever it is I've been bottling up.
ReplyDeleteI think you are right about the denial! At my core there are things I haven't begun to deal with, and I can't while it concerns people who are still alive and walking around. My work has been a form of extended therapy, and I have worked through a lot. But when I'm having difficulty getting something out it is akin to a mental constipation that is really destructive, I feel hopeless and empty. I am being extra hard to live with at the moment. Thanks though for your comments, they have given me something to think about.
Delete