Grief is a fearsome thing! And the worst grief comes after the loss( How I hate that word 'loss', a loving mother doesn't lose her child as if it were a handbag or a pair of sunglasses) of a child, you skate as close to madness so as to make no difference. You never really come back from it, part of you is buried with your child. You realise that all you have to give your child are your tears, I read once that a mother's tears carry her child to heaven. Whether you have any kind of faith or not doesn't come into it. In the aftermath you scrabble around catching at any straw that could maintain a connection, and grasp for anything that guarantees a future reunion. On a lighter note, Hope is glorious!